well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is wine microwaveable?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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