bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
