Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
