Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
