Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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