I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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