I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
