if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
