Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
