so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
