I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
