I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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