i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
