dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
