Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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