Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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