It was confusing and full of hummus
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
