Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
