i love accidental penises.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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