Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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