I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize