I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
