Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
