She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
