he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
