I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
