Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
