UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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