wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
