The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
