And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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