we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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