U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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