I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize