this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
