So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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