I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
