My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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