The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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