Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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