This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
