first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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