You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
are you so shy because you have an std?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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