Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
