Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
