Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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