these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
