So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
