He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
