Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
