On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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