I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
