I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
