we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
