Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
