Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
