she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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