a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
