I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
