this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
