; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it was like eating out sand paper
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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