i love accidental penises.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
