I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize