Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
