i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize